President Zuma on Valentine’s Day

Posted by & filed under Events, Featured, Scenic Drives.

 

Afraid of a bad date on Valentine’s Day 2012?

Feeling the onset of romantic dread?

Let’s face it,the more it gets touted by commercial interests eager to up their cashflow, the more we all feel duty bound to conform. And for every way of impressing and inspiring there are a dozen more surefire ways to flop. Expectation can be a killer for romance, which thrives on brio, verve, spontaneity and wit. All those things that money just can’t buy.

So how do you think this man feels with Feb 14th just around the corner…

The South African President Zuma has 3 official wives to please, and one officially recognised fiancée. How does he juggle all those expectations. And with such a difficult day job… So how would President Zuma handle Valentine’s Day in the Mother City?

Wife 1, 6 am until 11.30am – the Big J starts with a bang and whisks her off for a drive in an open top automobile up Signal Hill to watch the sun rise over the bountiful pastures of the Western Cape while uncorking a bottle of finest Methode Cap Classique. He tells her, “all this is yours” (you and the other two), then sets off for a picturesque morning drive over Chapman’s Peak, and around to Boulder’s for an early morning dip with those saucy little penguins. Pointing out proudly that these funny flightless birds are the only ones of their type in Africa. After a refreshing dip and some romantic From Here to Eternity-esque canoodling in the briny foam, they are off to Kalk Bay for brekkies. Olympia Café or Knead will do the trick, because by then the missus numero uno is ravenous. She likes a pastry or two, and then nothing so much as a casual browse around the craft shops in search of some curios and knickknacks to decorate one of the official residences. Something made out of driftwood perhaps in which to frame an honorary degree or souvenir snap with Hillary Clinton. Then with a quick glance at the Rolex, the Pres must sadly leave Wife 1 in the capable hands of one of the minders and hightail back over Boyes Drive to pick up…

Wife no 2, who by now has beautified herself to a level of high exquisiteness and is ready to be driven, top down, wind in the mane, to Franschhoek for a wine tasting and lunch. It’s almost harvesting time in the oenological calendar, but barefoot grape crushing is mostly scheduled for the end of February, and not really Wife no 2’s thing. She’s more of a Jimmy Choo’s girl. So it’s a beautiful lunch at Tokara on the balcony before checking into a 5 star spa for some post-prandial pamperings and pleasings and perhaps even a quick power-nap for the zoom zoom Zuma. Who after an afternoon of sensual pleasure, has to make an elegant leave taking of his slumbering bride to speed back to Cape Town to get ready for…

Wife no 3 who gets the evening slot. Sundowners are scheduled at the Twelve Apostles on the terrace overlooking the ocean. And as the fiery disc of the sun declines rather precipitously the President is moved to quote some French poetry, “L’Eternite, quoi? C’est la mer allee avec le soleil, Ame sentinelle murmurons l’aveu, de la nuit si nulle et le jour en feu…” “That’s Rimbaud, darling,” says the Pres smoothly as he raises a glass of Clicquot to his lips. “Or what I remember of it…” And Wife no 3, literally melts with adoration in the face of his Presidential je ne sais quoi… They dine on oysters and quaff more champagne and then elope into the night for some moonlight boogie at St Yves in Camps Bay.

And the rest, as they say, was history…

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